Monday, July 7, 2008

Knowledge is Power

The past weekend was busy. I did have plenty of free time to do what I wanted and it was a relaxing 3 day weekend, but my mind was constantly going. Thursday night I tried to go to bed early and succeeded. The problem was that I kept waking up every 30 minutes. So when my alarm went off for Libby's Special Day I reluctantly got up and ready to be at Libby's at 10am sharp. I have to much of my dad in me. I can't be late, and when you say a time to be ready I'm ready. I thought threw the 10+ emails that were exchanged between Kelly, Libby, Manda, and Me that we were to meet at the Gateway in SLC at 11am. So I got to Libby's at 10, left her house at 10:30 got to Kelly's at 10:45 and she was still upstairs getting ready. I started to get antsy and do the foot tap, like dad does. Once we left Kelly's we went to Manda's. Needless to say we got to the Gateway around 11:30 or so. For Libby's special day we went shopping and ate at Tocanos. When we had walked till our feet hurt we went back to Kelly's to BBQ for the 4th. I made bacon covered grilled corn . When it got dark we went over to the school and watched the Thanksgiving Fireworks. I love the traditions that we have. I love 'special day' parties, every holiday is at kelly's, the unorderlyness of everything. That night after the fireworks we went back to Kelly's for our fireworks. As Amanda and Alex were sitting on the curb lighting their fireworks my mind drifted back to 3 years ago. Three years ago we were at kelly's old house (5min from her new) and I was on the curb with my guy. We had just gotten back from Malad, ID to spend the 4th with his family. This is when I remember starting the 4th and fireworks at Kelly's tradition. Remembering brought back those memories of that weekend and how happy I was. I could feel the tears getting ready to flow so I left and went back to my place before I went over to babysit for Libby, so her and Rich could go out for a Birthday Breakfast alone. The next morning as I was feeding the girls my mind began to wonder again and I realized that it was the day he proposed. At times I really love that I can remember the dumbest of details and remember them forever, kinda like an elephant never forgets. I thought about what my life would be like if everything had gone according to my plan. Would I still be in St. George, UT? Would I be okay with only one visit to Ut County a month?- this was our agreement when we moved down there. Could I stand being away from my family? Would I be in school? Would I have the goals I have today? Would I be happy?? that was the clincher. I thought why am I thinking this? there's no way to go back and change it, be thankful for where you are. This continued threw out the day and that night I turned on the TV and Steel Magnolias was on. I told myself not to watch it, to find something funny, because I didn't want to cry and that movie always makes me cry, but I got sucked in and watched it. When it came to the part at Shelby's funeral, I sympathized with Sally Fields character. I had felt the same way about why it didn't happen with Phil.
That night as I was going to bed I opened my scriptures and fanned threw the old testament and stopped in Deuteronomy chapter 7 vs 9. It was highlighted. I rarely go to the old testament so it peaked my interest into why it was highlighted. I read it again and again.
Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;
As I read this I couldn't get past He is God, the faithful God. Once I got past that it clicked, I remembered my Patriarchal blessing and it said something like no blessing, or want will be withheld from you if you stay close to your Heavenly Father. What a great promise. As I thought about this I went back and reread the scripture. He will keep his promise forever, just have the faith. I then went back and read the surrounding scriptures 6, 7, & 8:
6 For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth. 7 The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people: 8 But because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
After reading this I rembered John Chapter 15: 1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. 2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. 5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. 6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. 8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. 9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. 10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. 11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. 12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. 15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. 16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. 17 These things I command you, that ye love one another. 18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. 19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. 20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me. 22 If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloke> for their sin. 23 He that hateth me hateth my Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which none other man did, they had not had sin: but now have they both seen and hated both me and my Father. 25 But this cometh to pass, that the word might be fulfilled that is written in their law, They hated me without a cause. 26 But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me: 27 And ye also shall bear witness, because ye have been with me from the beginning.

In verses 13-16 it says I, the Savior chose you to be my friend. I will tell you everything, I have taken every hardship and every tear of yours. I have given my life so that you can live. I have endured everything, I am here waiting for you to come cry on my shoulder. Then to Alma 36:3 - And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

What great promises the Savior makes. After church on Sunday we had a break the fast. As I got there I thought about dropping the salad off and going back home because I was alone, and I really didn't know anyone. But as I went to set the salad on the table a girl in my Relief Society came over and started chatting with me. After the pray was said we got in line and I lost her. Fear came over me and as I neared the end of the line I saw her but the table she was sitting at was completely full. Panic was my only thought. As I was getting my drink I thought about going into the hall and eating, and then I saw the guy I kinda like and his table was pretty empty. I thought as my heart pounded and decided I would go over and invite myself to sit with him. If I was going to take a step in inviting myself to his table I might as well take a step in flirting. I was scared to death. I don't know how but I just started walking. Then I heard someone call my name. It was a guy I had met earlier at church. He asked if I wanted to sit with him and his firiends at their table. I think this was the first time I took a breath. I agreed and sat down. Part of me was disappointed in that I had taken the easy way out and not gone over to the other guys table, but the other half of me was all smiles, because someone, suprizingly a guy, had asked me to sit with them. As we ate our hamburgers, the girl sitting across the table asked my name and said that I reminded her of a Disney Princess. I think we will have to become friends! If she only knew how much I loved Disney. As I sat their smiling I thought about what had just happeened. The Lord knew I was freaking out and was there for me. I quickly remembered Elder Bednar's talk, The Tender Mercies of the Lord.

I know the Lord has a lot on his mind, and many other important things to occupy his time, but that he would take the time, to know that I needed him right then, that I either needed a safety net (new friends I made at the table) or courage to go over to the other guys table. I know the Savior answers those unspoken prayers. He is there in every aspect of our lives and knows what we need at the moment. Looking back over this weekend it could have been a weekend of self pitty, of asking 'why me.' But I am thankful that the Lord thought to give me a greater understanding of His tender mercies and to reamp my faith in His plan.


laura said...

I love to check up on you. I really like the first scripture you quoted about how the Lord always keeps his promises. I know that if you trust in him that everything will all work out. It is so cool that you live so close to all of your sisters. I really miss having mine around.

Kelly said...

Ab, Phil was a great guy, but look at what YOU wrote!

"I love 'special day' parties, every holiday is at kelly's, the unorderlyness of everything."
"I went over to babysit for Libby, so her and Rich could go out"
"I saw the guy I kinda like"
"Would I be okay with only one visit to Ut County a month?"

I doubt you would've made it here once a month - things would have gotten busy there, gas has gone up, & it's a long drive. You would have missed Special Days, babysitting, family parties, etc. There was only one of him, there's 14 of us. There's not a choice in my mind!! It'll happen when it's right! Love you!

The Grampp Fam said...

Abby, you have grown up so much and matured, I mean just read what you have written! What a beautiful testimony you have. God provides a way for all of us to have the comfort we need, or to do the work we need to do here, and like you said, that is our Savior. Our timing unfortunately is not the same as God's at times. But, when we look back at how our life has changed due to certain events, it is impossible not to be grateful for all God does for us, just like you are! I know that God has much in store for you and I cannot wait to see your life unfold! :) Love you girl and miss you!