Friday, September 24, 2010

WTH did I do wrong??

Its kinda a downer so be warned!

In the last 5 years there's been a month that has made its goal each year to see how far it can drag me down! That month is September. This year has been no exception. There have been some great things this month but they seem to be overshadowed. I guess its better to have most of the years disappointments rolled into 1 out of 12 months.

SELF PITTY PARTY
I didn't graduate
I loathe accounting class- it will be the death of me
Chiropractor's are EXPENSIVE
I love the cheaper rent but feel as if I live in a room the size of a mustard seed
Money seems to vanish
I cant catch my breath, when did life get so out of control?
There are no job prospects
Whats the point of having to register your car every year?
the list could go on....
but the BIGGEST thing that seems to be a reoccurring taunt for the month of September is boys/marriage.
-My barely 18 yr old roommate is engaged and I'm happy for her, but at the same time have mixed feelings. She hasn't experienced really living on her own, paying her own bills, having girls night, going to college, having a college job, college football season. She moved here and 2 wks later she had a guy. WTH. I remember how excited I was and how naive I was. I thought everything would just work out and all I needed to do was worry about the dress and the reception. I've tried to fill her in on the things that might be over looked now like, the marriage license, the family plan on the phones, changing her name on all of her information. I also am hesitant to be SUPER excited, because I know how this could possibly end. I know it wont end that way; they are just too Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood sickening perfection, but I thought mine was perfect too. They've only been dating a month, and I know who am I to say anything, but don't ya think its a little fast? Shes 18!!! shes got the rest of her life to be married. At least our parents showed a little concern about it being so fast and we were 21. Her fiance(23yr od obsessed Star Trek Physics major) is always first to reassure me that there is someone out there and blah blah blah!
-In my accounting class that is entirely MALE and 2 girls, of the 2 of us one is now married (this past wkend) to one of the guys in the class. Great! They are a cute couple and I really don't know anything about them but not everyone needs to know that you cant take test 1 because you'll be in Mexico on your honeymoon. maybe im just bitter. Also last night as I walk into class there are the few guys that sit by me that tease me a little and one of them brought his wife, who happens to be the roommate I had when I was engaged, talk about AWKWARD!!!! having to explain why im still in college and I'm not wearing a ring in a class full of guys.
- Theres this new show My Generation on ABC and as watched the first show, I thought my 10 yr HS reunion is in less than 2 years, and what do I have to show for the last 10 years?? When I first accepted a friend request from a good friend from HS on facebook, his first question was how long had I been married and how many kids did I have. He was a little shocked to find out that I wasnt married. He said, but thats all you wanted, what have you been doing then? ... my first thought was impatiently waiting?!
- Most of my roommates at Liberty Square celebrated their 5 year anniversaries this summer, and after reading their blog posts, I thought about all of the adventures I had missed out on. All the stuff that 5 years of marriage brings. As I wrote a little comment on their posts, I wished I had their lives. Why hadn't my life turned out like theirs?

My friend Diane mentioned on her teaching blog "...They say that God will keep giving you a trial until you learn what you are supposed to learn from it. It seems that I did not learn a valuable lesson last year..." Well Im going to need a HINT because umm I dont know what I need to be learning!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also there was a tragic accident this past week at BYU. I grad student was hit by a car and was killed. As I was reading through this I noticed she wasn't married and was 27. That's me in 3 months. I thought about what if that were me, (well not the grad student part) but what if the reason she wasn't married was because it wasn't part of her plan? She only needed 27 years to complete what she was sent down here to do. I bet she spent nights crying/talking with her friends about being single and wanting a family one day. They never teach you in YW that everyone doesn't get married at 20. They never teach you (or I dont remember, because I wasn't going to be on of those old maid girls) how to handle 25, 27, 30 and single, They skip the part about you can do it on your own and going to the mid- singles (eeeekkk) isnt all that bad.

Lastly because if anyone is still reading youve had enough of my whining and think I shiould just grow up and forget about it.
On Grants blessing day Cameron came with me to my house before heading back up to his house for the continuation of Grants blessing dat party but just Brossettes. As we were driving the speed limit(dumb Hwy Patrol) Cameron and I decide to play a game that if you saw a certain car or color you get to punch the other person, as we were playing we passed a Haunted Forest billboard. Cameron said he really wanted to go and I told him a story about how I went with a guy once and by the end of the night the guy had a bruise on his arm, because I had been holding on so tight. Cameron then asked if I was dating anyone now like Manda. I said no and he replied well we will just have to work on that! Hes 9. I jokingly asked if he knew any hotties and he said Yeah, but they are girls and they go to my school. Ahh cam. I then stated well, they need to be guys and probably not guys from your school! He said he'd work on it, he'd keep his eyes peeled; but before he could finish his sentimental comment he punched me and said yellow! moment gone. and then I got him with a parking lot of 6 RVs = 6 punches! Thanks for the support Beans!

4 comments:

Allison Murray said...

ah, everyone who is our age and single's thoughts put into words!

Kelly said...

Just so you know, I'm reading this 3 hours after what I said when you left here earlier! I wasn't trying to be insensitive, but it seems my thoughts probably came at the wrong time - sorry!
And, as I've said in the past, look at the experiences you ARE getting to have and go after them! Like your cruise - I know it's not an equal to what you really want, but what a fun experience! Live like crazy and enjoy every minute knowing that Heavenly Father knows YOU and will see to your needs. Make this September different! I heart U!

Ashley said...

love generation.. its my new fav show on abc.

The Grampp Fam said...

Sweet Abby. You definitely have a great work, and even though you are frustrated lately with how things are, one day all will be revealed, and you will see why things have happened to you, or why things didn't happen for awhile. Heavenly Father has a time line designed for each of us, and while that is hard to accept because we as humans are impatient, He knows you and will continue to bless you as you continue living your life as a worthy daughter of God. I have no doubt that there are great blessings in store for YOU! I love you! Let's talk soon, please?! :)