The Lord and I have an ongoing battle. I ask for things and he answers/grants small things that I don't think to ask for(ie green traffic lights, a short line at the store, parking in the garage when it snows). And He usually grants those small things after I ask for the bigger things. I guess its His way of letting me know He has heard me. For the past few weeks I have been asking for something, if even a chance at it, and I've seen the little things happening for a while but nothing associated with the bigger thing. Then yesterday came. It was fast sunday and so I fasted and kept my mind on those things, I listened to the lessons and testimonies that were given searching for an answer and was later lightly prompted to do something, but I just pushed the idea out of my head thinking it was something I was over thinking to better another situation.
MAN, was I wrong!!!!! I should have just listened, even if I thought it was just me over thinking it. So now I'm more confused on the answer. Did I screw it up? Do I miss things because I'm hardheaded? Did He know I would over think it and that was my answer (it will always be out of my reach) ? Am I thinking to much trying to find an answer in nothing? Am I looking to hard for Him to answer quickly? I'm such a yes, no, black, white, cut dry person when it comes to solutions, I don't like this blurred leave it up to thinking kind of answer. Was that my chance at His answer? Should I just give up and take it as my answer that I don't have a chance at it? How many chances if any more will I get to listen?
I should have never asked in the first place then there wouldn't be all this confusion! Then while linking the topics above I came across this talk!!!! HELP!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Precursor to retirement?
Classes have been done since the 16th of December. My days were full with Christmas shopping and stuff. Now that the holidays are over and classes are going, I'm finding myself with a bunch of free time, and its driving me crazy! Before I was always busy, but not overly stressed, well maybe stressed but thats what I fed off. Now 5pm hits and I'm wondering what to do with the next 5 or 6 hours. It took me around two weeks to finish decorating for Christmas but only 3 hours to take it down and put it all back in the basement. Yesterday we got home from church at 4pm and I made enchiladas, rolls, watched the end of the Eagles/Green Bay football game and decorated the house for Mardi Gras all before 7. I hope things get busy soon, or I might just make everything in my cookbook and start all those home improvement jobs I never got to. I know I should enjoy the downtime but like I told Cindy last night its hard just sitting there doing nothing. I'm not complaining, I just need some new hobbies, any ideas?
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Festival of Trees 2010
I love Christmas, I love Christmas Trees, I like saving babies, so the Festival of Trees is a no brainer, even if it is WAY to crowded with ijits. I go every year, and the hardest part is finding anyone who wants to go with. Im okay to go by myself, but someone always ends up coming with me. Diane called and said she wanted to go with me this year, poor soul. We went the last night, that was also a saturday night. Super Busy with slow moving people. We got through the big trees (they also do quits, under 5ft trees, gingerbread houses, kids corner, dancing girls, and wreaths) and Diane had had enough. It was super crowed and there were a few trees that all had the same theme.... byu/utah, cowboy, twilight... but all in all it was great to go and catch up with Diane. and start Chirstmas!!! heres a little video of some of the trees.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Grace's view of Grants Blessing weekend
Grace got a hold of my camera the Friday M&D got here. Kate was playing beauty salon. These are the pictures that came out somewhat clear. Surprisingly the pictures taken with the lens inside our mouths or within inches of our necks didn't really come out.
Friday, September 24, 2010
WTH did I do wrong??
Its kinda a downer so be warned!
In the last 5 years there's been a month that has made its goal each year to see how far it can drag me down! That month is September. This year has been no exception. There have been some great things this month but they seem to be overshadowed. I guess its better to have most of the years disappointments rolled into 1 out of 12 months.
SELF PITTY PARTY
I didn't graduate
I loathe accounting class- it will be the death of me
Chiropractor's are EXPENSIVE
I love the cheaper rent but feel as if I live in a room the size of a mustard seed
Money seems to vanish
I cant catch my breath, when did life get so out of control?
There are no job prospects
Whats the point of having to register your car every year?
the list could go on....
but the BIGGEST thing that seems to be a reoccurring taunt for the month of September is boys/marriage.
-My barely 18 yr old roommate is engaged and I'm happy for her, but at the same time have mixed feelings. She hasn't experienced really living on her own, paying her own bills, having girls night, going to college, having a college job, college football season. She moved here and 2 wks later she had a guy. WTH. I remember how excited I was and how naive I was. I thought everything would just work out and all I needed to do was worry about the dress and the reception. I've tried to fill her in on the things that might be over looked now like, the marriage license, the family plan on the phones, changing her name on all of her information. I also am hesitant to be SUPER excited, because I know how this could possibly end. I know it wont end that way; they are just too Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood sickening perfection, but I thought mine was perfect too. They've only been dating a month, and I know who am I to say anything, but don't ya think its a little fast? Shes 18!!! shes got the rest of her life to be married. At least our parents showed a little concern about it being so fast and we were 21. Her fiance(23yr od obsessed Star Trek Physics major) is always first to reassure me that there is someone out there and blah blah blah!
-In my accounting class that is entirely MALE and 2 girls, of the 2 of us one is now married (this past wkend) to one of the guys in the class. Great! They are a cute couple and I really don't know anything about them but not everyone needs to know that you cant take test 1 because you'll be in Mexico on your honeymoon. maybe im just bitter. Also last night as I walk into class there are the few guys that sit by me that tease me a little and one of them brought his wife, who happens to be the roommate I had when I was engaged, talk about AWKWARD!!!! having to explain why im still in college and I'm not wearing a ring in a class full of guys.
- Theres this new show My Generation on ABC and as watched the first show, I thought my 10 yr HS reunion is in less than 2 years, and what do I have to show for the last 10 years?? When I first accepted a friend request from a good friend from HS on facebook, his first question was how long had I been married and how many kids did I have. He was a little shocked to find out that I wasnt married. He said, but thats all you wanted, what have you been doing then? ... my first thought was impatiently waiting?!
- Most of my roommates at Liberty Square celebrated their 5 year anniversaries this summer, and after reading their blog posts, I thought about all of the adventures I had missed out on. All the stuff that 5 years of marriage brings. As I wrote a little comment on their posts, I wished I had their lives. Why hadn't my life turned out like theirs?
My friend Diane mentioned on her teaching blog "...They say that God will keep giving you a trial until you learn what you are supposed to learn from it. It seems that I did not learn a valuable lesson last year..." Well Im going to need a HINT because umm I dont know what I need to be learning!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also there was a tragic accident this past week at BYU. I grad student was hit by a car and was killed. As I was reading through this I noticed she wasn't married and was 27. That's me in 3 months. I thought about what if that were me, (well not the grad student part) but what if the reason she wasn't married was because it wasn't part of her plan? She only needed 27 years to complete what she was sent down here to do. I bet she spent nights crying/talking with her friends about being single and wanting a family one day. They never teach you in YW that everyone doesn't get married at 20. They never teach you (or I dont remember, because I wasn't going to be on of those old maid girls) how to handle 25, 27, 30 and single, They skip the part about you can do it on your own and going to the mid- singles (eeeekkk) isnt all that bad.
Lastly because if anyone is still reading youve had enough of my whining and think I shiould just grow up and forget about it.
On Grants blessing day Cameron came with me to my house before heading back up to his house for the continuation of Grants blessing dat party but just Brossettes. As we were driving the speed limit(dumb Hwy Patrol) Cameron and I decide to play a game that if you saw a certain car or color you get to punch the other person, as we were playing we passed a Haunted Forest billboard. Cameron said he really wanted to go and I told him a story about how I went with a guy once and by the end of the night the guy had a bruise on his arm, because I had been holding on so tight. Cameron then asked if I was dating anyone now like Manda. I said no and he replied well we will just have to work on that! Hes 9. I jokingly asked if he knew any hotties and he said Yeah, but they are girls and they go to my school. Ahh cam. I then stated well, they need to be guys and probably not guys from your school! He said he'd work on it, he'd keep his eyes peeled; but before he could finish his sentimental comment he punched me and said yellow! moment gone. and then I got him with a parking lot of 6 RVs = 6 punches! Thanks for the support Beans!
In the last 5 years there's been a month that has made its goal each year to see how far it can drag me down! That month is September. This year has been no exception. There have been some great things this month but they seem to be overshadowed. I guess its better to have most of the years disappointments rolled into 1 out of 12 months.
SELF PITTY PARTY
I didn't graduate
I loathe accounting class- it will be the death of me
Chiropractor's are EXPENSIVE
I love the cheaper rent but feel as if I live in a room the size of a mustard seed
Money seems to vanish
I cant catch my breath, when did life get so out of control?
There are no job prospects
Whats the point of having to register your car every year?
the list could go on....
but the BIGGEST thing that seems to be a reoccurring taunt for the month of September is boys/marriage.
-My barely 18 yr old roommate is engaged and I'm happy for her, but at the same time have mixed feelings. She hasn't experienced really living on her own, paying her own bills, having girls night, going to college, having a college job, college football season. She moved here and 2 wks later she had a guy. WTH. I remember how excited I was and how naive I was. I thought everything would just work out and all I needed to do was worry about the dress and the reception. I've tried to fill her in on the things that might be over looked now like, the marriage license, the family plan on the phones, changing her name on all of her information. I also am hesitant to be SUPER excited, because I know how this could possibly end. I know it wont end that way; they are just too Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood sickening perfection, but I thought mine was perfect too. They've only been dating a month, and I know who am I to say anything, but don't ya think its a little fast? Shes 18!!! shes got the rest of her life to be married. At least our parents showed a little concern about it being so fast and we were 21. Her fiance(23yr od obsessed Star Trek Physics major) is always first to reassure me that there is someone out there and blah blah blah!
-In my accounting class that is entirely MALE and 2 girls, of the 2 of us one is now married (this past wkend) to one of the guys in the class. Great! They are a cute couple and I really don't know anything about them but not everyone needs to know that you cant take test 1 because you'll be in Mexico on your honeymoon. maybe im just bitter. Also last night as I walk into class there are the few guys that sit by me that tease me a little and one of them brought his wife, who happens to be the roommate I had when I was engaged, talk about AWKWARD!!!! having to explain why im still in college and I'm not wearing a ring in a class full of guys.
- Theres this new show My Generation on ABC and as watched the first show, I thought my 10 yr HS reunion is in less than 2 years, and what do I have to show for the last 10 years?? When I first accepted a friend request from a good friend from HS on facebook, his first question was how long had I been married and how many kids did I have. He was a little shocked to find out that I wasnt married. He said, but thats all you wanted, what have you been doing then? ... my first thought was impatiently waiting?!
- Most of my roommates at Liberty Square celebrated their 5 year anniversaries this summer, and after reading their blog posts, I thought about all of the adventures I had missed out on. All the stuff that 5 years of marriage brings. As I wrote a little comment on their posts, I wished I had their lives. Why hadn't my life turned out like theirs?
My friend Diane mentioned on her teaching blog "...They say that God will keep giving you a trial until you learn what you are supposed to learn from it. It seems that I did not learn a valuable lesson last year..." Well Im going to need a HINT because umm I dont know what I need to be learning!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also there was a tragic accident this past week at BYU. I grad student was hit by a car and was killed. As I was reading through this I noticed she wasn't married and was 27. That's me in 3 months. I thought about what if that were me, (well not the grad student part) but what if the reason she wasn't married was because it wasn't part of her plan? She only needed 27 years to complete what she was sent down here to do. I bet she spent nights crying/talking with her friends about being single and wanting a family one day. They never teach you in YW that everyone doesn't get married at 20. They never teach you (or I dont remember, because I wasn't going to be on of those old maid girls) how to handle 25, 27, 30 and single, They skip the part about you can do it on your own and going to the mid- singles (eeeekkk) isnt all that bad.
Lastly because if anyone is still reading youve had enough of my whining and think I shiould just grow up and forget about it.
On Grants blessing day Cameron came with me to my house before heading back up to his house for the continuation of Grants blessing dat party but just Brossettes. As we were driving the speed limit(dumb Hwy Patrol) Cameron and I decide to play a game that if you saw a certain car or color you get to punch the other person, as we were playing we passed a Haunted Forest billboard. Cameron said he really wanted to go and I told him a story about how I went with a guy once and by the end of the night the guy had a bruise on his arm, because I had been holding on so tight. Cameron then asked if I was dating anyone now like Manda. I said no and he replied well we will just have to work on that! Hes 9. I jokingly asked if he knew any hotties and he said Yeah, but they are girls and they go to my school. Ahh cam. I then stated well, they need to be guys and probably not guys from your school! He said he'd work on it, he'd keep his eyes peeled; but before he could finish his sentimental comment he punched me and said yellow! moment gone. and then I got him with a parking lot of 6 RVs = 6 punches! Thanks for the support Beans!
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